A recent visit with my nephews reminded me that active listening is important.
Twice a year, I work with Isaa and Mikhail to put on a special presentation for the family when we get together for Eid. Once, we read a children’s picture book and acted it out with audience participation. Another time, the boys and I performed an instrumental piece composed by the Music teacher at my school. We called it “Eid From our Hearts.”
Now that they’re older, Isaa’s in Grade 3 and Mikhail’s in Grade 1, I thought we could put on a play. Isaa likes to act and Mikhail can be quite a character.
I arrived at their house with a plan. We’d brainstorm about what Ramadan and Eid mean to us, then look over our ideas to see if we could identify a theme for our play.
That’s how it was supposed to go. But, as any educator knows, our learners decide how “it’s supposed to go.”
“I’m going to write in cursive.” Isaa scans their set of markers until he decides on a green one.
Mikhail deliberates over his colour choice as well while I look at the time.
In the middle of writing down his first idea, Isaa stops. “Maybe we could sing this song for everyone.” He brings over their tablet.
He and Mikhail begin to sing a song that they’ve been learning in their evening Islamic studies class.
“Sounds great!” I say, even though I think the song is a boring throw-back to when my parents enrolled me in Islamic studies as a child.
“Let’s get back to brainstorming now.”
“There’s this other song,” Isaa says.
The song is about the wonders of God’s creation and seems to go on forever. I continue to write.
“Which song do you want to sing for Eid?” I look up from our chart paper.
“We could sing both.” Isaa looks at Mikhail.
Mikhail nods.
“What about our play?” I ask.
Isaa shrugs his shoulders. While his younger brother plays on their tablet.
I realize the enthusiasm for the play is dwindling because I’m not really listening to the boys.
There are two types of listening: passive and active. In passive listening, one pays attention, although they may have little or no outward reaction to the speaker. In active listening, one listens to understand. They also help the speaker explore an understanding of what they are saying and perhaps discover new things about themselves. Active listening requires giving the speaker full attention, demonstrating an understanding of what the speaker is saying through responses that are non-judgemental, carefully attending to deeper meanings behind the speaker’s words, and reflecting those meanings back to the speaker for them to consider.
At work, active listening is my most powerful tool . When I practice it with my students, they feel that I care about them. This has a positive impact on their mental health and well being, and achievements.
Sometimes, in my personal life, I don’t do a great job of being an active listener. Perhaps, it’s because I’m tired from my work day or maybe it’s because I’ve overscheduled myself and I’m preoccupied with other thoughts.
I’m not proud of this. At times, my eyes glaze over as my mother tells me about her day. How many different craft activities from her seniors program do I really want to know about? When my father tells me stories from his childhood in the “old country”, I passively listen while noting that I’ve heard his story at least half-a-dozen times before.
I’m getting better at catching myself in moments of inattentiveness. It helps me to focus on the speaker when I think about: a positive trait that they possess at the start of the conversation; their needs; and the importance of their thoughts.
I face Isaa and Mikhail. “What would you like to do for Eid?”
“Sing songs,” Isaa says.
“OK.”
“Maybe we could do a play too.” Mikhail offers.
“We could sing songs in a play.” I suggest.
“Let’s think about it.” Isaa looks to the group.
This Eid, the Mirza family might be delighted with some songs, a play, or maybe both. The boys have some time in Ramadan to decide.
Rania Mirza 